brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
