i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
