Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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