imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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