No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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