apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
