Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
