K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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