"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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