is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
