What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and she was petting her beer can
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
