i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
