i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
