All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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