Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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