i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
