all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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