Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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