I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
