Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
