i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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