GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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