oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize