JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
