Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
