Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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