Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
