i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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