I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
