dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
