I wish I could punch you in the face.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
