i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
