My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
