i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize