there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
