I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
