I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
