Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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