you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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