I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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