They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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