Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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