dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
