yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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