i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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