please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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