just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
