Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
