No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
