He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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