I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize