I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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