Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
