I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
