everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
