i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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