I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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