Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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