Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
