We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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