can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
