you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize