She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
