I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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