worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize