as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
