I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
