My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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