My nipple is on Facebook.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
