i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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