Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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