omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
