its not stalking. its research.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
