It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
