and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
