This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
