I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
